Step Two
The SHADOW-SELF EXPLAINED
We are born as whole, little beings, but along the way we acquire baggage. The shadow-self is the baggage we carry around with us. And the worst part is, we usually can’t see what’s back there. We literally, subconsciously block this shadow-self or reject it at some point in our lives because we feel a deep sense of shame.
Shame in childhood tends to be the DEEP shadow stuff, as children are dependent beings who need love and nurturing in order to survive. Therefore, if we are shamed for a quality, behavior, or a physical aspect we embody, or we witness our caretakers shame others outside of us, including our peers or teachers, it means we might not continue receiving the love and nurturing that we need in order to survive in society. This is also true if we experience shameful events that we did not consent. Or even events that we were consequentially apart of that brought us shame. Therefore, we reject qualities, behaviors, and physical aspects of self associated with all of the above. We stick them back into what’s called our shadow.
Now, some of you (but not many) may be saying, “well, I had the greatest, most loving, supportive childhood.” Shame is all relative, and it doesn’t have to come from our parents. It could come from our peers at school, teachers, aunts, uncles, or what our parents think of/reject within themselves or in each other, and what they think of/reject about other people, media, friends, lovers, or society at large. Small shame is still shame. As tribal beings, we want to be accepted and loved, so we morph to fit into those parameters. What we are today isn't our authentic selves. It's simply a onion, or what I refer to as an ego shell, built up over the course of our life that became safe along the way. Here is an example:
Say that you expressed immense creativity when you were young. You freely pursued your passion of art until you were told by someone that you love that your art is “ok”, but it’s time to grow up and focus on something practical because being an artist is going to result in a poor life filled with disappointment. As dependent beings when we’re young, in need of shelter, nurturing and love, it’s instinctual to abandon our creativity and art in order to continue to be nurtured and loved by our caretaker. Now insert anything in place of “art” in that example: weight, self-worth, emotional expression, sexuality, appearance, judgements, interests, and the list could go on and on. These abandoned aspects of self have lost their power inside of us, and in fact they are actually subconsciously plugged into other power sources (needing approval from others in order to feel empowered) for they create insecurity in us. Therefore, regarding the earlier example, anytime our creativity (stemming from the denied aspect of self; art) is called upon, we will instantly revert to insecurity and lack of confidence looking to see if whomever or whatever calling on our creativity approves of it. Giving our power to this source to validate it for us. Shame, in our life, tended to be the main culprit for denying all sorts of qualities that we so beautifully owned and accepted when we were very young, our authentic self.
When we are judging others or when we are triggered by them, it's because they are representative of something we had to reject about ourselves and place into our shadow.
This brings us to projections in relation to the whole human spectrum.
PROJECTIONS
YOUR PROJECTIONS • Whatever we don't own about ourselves, or what we learned wasn’t acceptable or safe, we project onto others by judging them or rejecting them. Our own personal qualities that we have pushed into our “Shadow Self” for fear of rejection, shame or harm, have a charge. This charge (which shows up as judgment, annoyance, jealousy, anger, inadequacy, etc.). is triggered within us when others portray these qualities or threaten these qualities to come out of us. Our subconscious is projecting our own fear of owning or experiencing these shadow qualities onto those exhibiting them. What we judge in others is a subconscious reaction to what we have denied in ourselves. Projection is the greatest gift and a beautiful indicator that shows us what we need to integrate into ourselves.
OTHER’S PROJECTIONS • Just as we project onto others, others project onto us. If we trigger their shadow aspects of self, we may experience anger from them, rejection or judgement.
THE WORLD IS A GIANT MIRROR THAT REFLECTS US BACK TO US • Everything in our world mirrors back our own hidden emotions and feelings (aspects of self) as The Universe is always trying to help us get back to our whole, worthy, authentic selves. We attract what we have denied in ourselves. For example, If we don't like angry people, we will attract them, for they are an invitation for us to integrate our suppressed anger. If we don’t like dramatic friendships, they will continue to come into our lives, for we are needing to integrate the drama aspect of ourselves where it doesn't feel safe to be "dramatic" (vulnerable, communicative, emotional).
Embrace each projection and mirror. When triggered, you will revisit this workshop until you’ve peeled your entire onion layer. You’ll know that you’ve fully reintegrated an aspect when you stop attracting that trigger into your life anymore.
I want each of you to take a few minutes to really process and absorb these concepts entirely. They are the roadmap for this workshop. It’s usually quite hard for the shadow to see itself. Projections are our maps to rediscovering all missing aspects of ourselves.
WHOLE HUMAN SPECTRUM
Here are the facts:
i. Each of us embodies the entire human spectrum.
ii. Every trait is there for a reason and all traits are perfect.
In order to truly integrate into a holistic human being (love), we have to fully absorb that every one of us embodies the whole human spectrum. In order for us to completely kill the shadow, we have to accept all of these aspects within ourselves. THE FULL SPECTRUM. This means, the murderer, rapist, fraud, liar, assaulter, thief, you name it. The ugliest, darkest parts of humanity have to be accepted just as well. Without entirely accepting that the full spectrum (the world) is inside of us, we continue to allow the outside world to control us. I’ve done a lot of work around this. It’s ugly, and sometimes hard to relate to, but it’s been incredibly liberating. Truth be told, if any of us had been born with the same brain chemistry, or had undergone the same abuse, or programming as the people who act out these aspects of self, we would be just as capable of these monstrous acts.
ACTION
PAGES • From this day on, and hopefully forever, I want you to dedicate ten pages in your journal to hidden aspects of self. This will be a space where you can list projections of self that you begin to discover, so you can come back to the tools you learn in here and continue to work them out until the end of time.
Try to boil each aspect down to its essence and into one word. You'll know you've hit the right word if you would have an ego reaction if someone called you this. The more emotional the charge, the more you know you've hit the shadow.
Hitting the “right” aspect should feel like a knife to the gut, or you’re biggest ego reaction, or a compliment that you absolutely can’t accept let alone even acknowledge that it could possibly be true. Remember positive aspects need just as much integrating. That’s when you know that you’ve hit something that needs integrating. You’ll learn more about this in the next step of the workshop.
Here's an example:
You want to spin and deduce your judgments of others, or the way that others are making you feel, until you find the essence/word with the biggest ego or emotional reaction for you personally. For example, say you have a strong projected judgment of a co-worker. You judge (project) that " they think they are more better than everyone else." This means you were most likely not allowed to feel good enough or better than others when you were young. Or you were programmed to believe you’re less than others, or when you’re prideful, you're unlovable.
Therefore, when you're triggered, your feelings boil down to this old programming, making you feel "disrespect" or "not respected." But then you realize that it doesn't give you a gut reaction if someone were to say "I don't respect you," so then you try, "you're not good enough." This brings the fight out in you, or even tears. Then you know you've hit on a denied aspect that was programmed along the way through shame, to believe you’re unworthy and not good enough — it's been hiding in your shadow.
It has nothing to do with this exterior person thinking they are better than everyone. That is the subconscious position you put yourself in, for you're carrying "not good enough" in your shadow everywhere you go.
TODAY’S EXERCISE
Take note of what fears are coming up for you throughout this workshop and throughout your day to day life.
i. Today, I want you to start facing these fears head on. Make a list of fears that have come up for you today, during this work, or within the last few weeks. If nothing is coming to mind, ask yourself: "What is one thing I'm fearful of that's preventing me from doing what I need to do?" I.e. Where am I still feeling unworthy of what I’m calling in?
ii. Once you're clear on this list, I want you to write out every worse case scenario that could possibly happen if this fear were to materialize.
iii. These are your fear projections. Now, I want you to reframe each of these worst case scenarios into a best case scenario.
Example
Say, your soul is craving some time off, a trip or a week of rest from your busy life. Yet this invokes your fear of people considering you lazy. Therefore, you’re not feeling totally worthy of calling in vacation.
What is the worst case scenario if you took this vacation? People would think you were lazy, they may not trust you with the same responsibilities, etc.
Now how can you turn this into a best case scenario? With less responsibility and expectation on your shoulders, you’d have more time to relax, to be less stressed, to pick up a hobby that might bring you joy….etc.
iv. Lastly, I urge you to note three actionable steps you can take right now within your current means and circumstance to face each fear. This will help to reinforce reprogramming this fear and shadow projection. You’re showing your subconscious that this big fear you’ve built up in your mind is actually not so scary and that you are capable and worthy of calling in your manifestation list.
BONUS: You're actually creating magnetism to call in your manifestations faster.
EXPANDERS TO KEEP YOU GOING
“I know you receive lots of messages like this, but I feel compelled to say THANK YOU. I’ve gone through Unblocked Reparent and only two days of Unblocked Shadow and already I am experiencing a huge increase in magnetism. It sort of feels like magic!! I can see how my repressed low self-worth was affecting every single aspect of my life.Thank you for taking the time and energy to make your work accessible to so many of us.”