Step Three
Shadow Words
To move forward in this work, you must identify what your shadow words are that you’ll be taking through this for the first time around. What words bring up the most shame, fear, judgement, discomfort, shyness, activation, embarrassment, anger?
THREE • For the sake of this workshop, I’d like you to find at least three of the most activating aspects that you discover today (or are presently aware of at this time in your consciousness). Note that I advise you to go through this workshop over and over when you discover new shadow words, but for the sake of the first time around, start with three. You're welcome to work on as many as you'd like, but having at least three will allow you to continue this workshop with depth and continuity, so you can truly learn how to use and implement the tools.
WHAT IF NOTHING TRIGGERS ME? It means you haven’t actually found the really deep, deep rejected aspect of yourself. For example, You might gravitate toward “controlling” as a shadow word, but you’re open about saying you’re controlling. You don’t care who you tell it to. You don’t care who notices if you’re controlling. That means that it’s not something you’re needing to really work through in Shadow. You’re needing to get deeper about what controlling represents. You have to keep going through the Russian roulette until you find the thing that really hits you.
For instance, if you’re digging deeper and deeper and deeper, you may find yourself thinking ‘nobody respects me.’ Hence why you have to control situations and things.
As a controlling person myself, the thoughts that pass through my mind are “I’m inadequate so therefore I can’t trust others to do this.” Or, “Nobody respects me. I’m inadequate. I’m not worth taking up space.” You have to keep digging down and down until you find the thing where you have a real emotional response and it hits you.
TODAY’S EXERCISE
For today, observe your judgment about other people. From someone in the street to someone who is currently bringing you pain.
i .Write down what are the most upsetting aspects about these people. Boil them down to a word.
ii. Write down the family, friends, and people around you who you judge or are activated by and why.
iii. Write down the advice you give to other people to help them today (usually advice we need ourselves).
If today, through these simple observations, you still haven’t found three denied aspects of yourself, then read this list over slowly with “I am” in front of every word. Meditate on how you'd really feel if someone called you these. When you get an activated or emotional reaction, these are the hidden aspects of self that you will work on integrating.
Greedy
Liar
Stunningly beautiful
Cheap
Hateful
Not Good Enough
Unsuccessful
Jealous
Vindictive
Controlling
Privileged
Nasty
Possessive
Bitchy
Wimp
Evil
Geek
Prudish
Womanizer
Angry
Secretive
Predator
Addict
Sick
Crazy
Fat
Needy
Unlovable
Follower
Lack talent
Disgusting
Stupid
Idiot
Fearful
Unconscious
Masochist
Unimportant
Shady
Compulsive
Frigid
Racist
Slut
Deceitful
Unattractive
Judgemental
Hypocrite
Wasteful
Anxious
Really talented
Sleazy
Rigid
Abuser
Manipulator
Victim
Victimizer
Egocentric
Better than
Foolish
Emotional
pompous
Ugly
Sloppy
Loudmouth
Passive aggressive
Average
Coward
Jerk
Inauthentic
Inappropriate
dead
Irresponsible
Incompetent
Lazy
Opportunist
Lush
Stingy
Dumb
Immature
Desperate
Childish
Gold digger
Hormonal
cruel
Needy
Scary
Perverted
Mean
Defensive
Sad
Arrogant
Inflexible
Weak
failure
Devious
Ignorant
sadistic
Worthless
Loser
Failure
Envious
* adapted from Light Chaser
EXPANDERS TO KEEP YOU GOING
“I’ve been in this group now for a while and have been sitting on sharing this story for a bit because in many ways, I am the type of person not to share what I have yet to feel comfortable about, but I can safely say, I manifested just what I had been looking for.
• HOME • I had been living in Downtown Los Angeles for 2 years paying $1350 in rent, that I couldn’t afford and in an environment that I had to pick up after others if I ever wanted the place to look decent. I put an absurd amount of time into trying to find ways to redecorate, finance decor and furniture, till finally I had racked up some decent credit card debt and was switching between cards to get groceries for a brief time. After doing the SHADOW Workshop, I found that I was so okay with living in uncomfortable situations in which I carried most, if not, all the burden because I believed that I didn’t deserve to have a happy home. In unblocking that belief and expanding myself by repeatedly listening to all of Lacy’s podcast interviews in which she manifest her $300 guesthouse in echo park, I decided to find something similar for myself. I’m very happy to say I’m sitting cozy in my $500 guesthouse apartment in Silverlake and yes, all the utilities are included. To top it off, it’s walking distance from both my job and my favorite brunch cafe.Literally can’t thank you enough Lacy for expanding me.
• CAREER • After graduating from college, I decided to get a job in the field I had studied, even though I knew from begrudgingly completing my degree that I didn’t want to go into this field. So much of that industry was and is filled with environments that require so much physically and after getting adrenal fatigue in college, I knew I couldn’t keep up with. In getting my first job, I had every single thing that I thought could go wrong went wrong. My boss spoke down to me as if I was her arrogant daughter, often told me “what my problems were” and that I need to pick up the pace. My other coworkers and departments that intersected were often looking over one another shoulders, gossiping or pointing out any flaws in behaviors or things that could be perceived as slacking off. After the SHADOW Workshop, I found that I believed that I had to prove I deserved anything at all by being as perfect as possible. Not surprising that I felt unwanted in my workplace. After unblocking that belief I confronted my boss about the way she had been speaking to me, I found that she really did want to see me do well and apparently just only was taught how to reprimand and put down someone, so she used her only method that she’d learned from her parents on me. Although she apologized, not much changed. Between the money I was spending to commute, the money I was spending on doctors and supplements from my fried adrenals, I had enough. I quit on the spot, no notice, and let them know they had areas in their community to grow. Two weeks later (after a couple VERY OBVIOUS tests) I manifested a laid back job that pays me the exact same amount as my previous job did, with flexible hours, and considerate, friendly, encouraging, funny coworkers who don’t make work feel like work. I can walk to my job and have been able to save some extra money to pay down my credit cards. The best part is my adrenals have been loving my new schedule and I haven’t felt this healthy in a while.So seriously, thanks Lacy for the work you do, thanks for sharing your stories with all of us, it has been so expansive for me, and I’m sure so many others as well.”