Step Four
Uncovering
Finding the rejected aspects of self.
It’s important to me that before we move on to integrating, we must expose a number of important rejected aspects of the self. Especially because the ego (shadow) would love for us to keep them hidden forever. The ego loves for us to think we have it all figured out. Today’s work will consist of two parts — morning and evening. You will simply shoot an email, a text, or make a call in the morning. Then you will use the evening to process the data you received, along with a Deep Imagining and journal exercise.
ACTION
MORNING • I’d like for you to reach out to three to five family members, children, co-workers, friends, or partners who know you intimately. You are going to ask them to reveal three aspects of your personality that they find activating, self-sabotaging, or playing the victim. These can be aspects that hurt them, annoy them, put them off, offend them, or that they see holding you back.
In order to get honest feedback, it’s important to create a safe environment for them to share. Create space for them to understand that you won’t hold anything they say against them, or take it personally. Also let them know this is very important for your development as a person. It’s also important to set a boundary that this will be the only constructive opening where they are allowed to point out these aspects to you. Once this window is closed, they cannot bring it up outside of this space again unless asked to do so. Therefore, this isn’t allowed to be ammunition that they can throw in your face in the future if you find yourself in a fight. Do note that you will receive some of their own shadow projecting on you. Use your deep honesty to discern the truth. You'll know because it will emotionally activate your ego.
On one more note, if you are truly wanting to expose your shadow and reintegrate it, it’s important to no longer take offense when aspects of yourself are revealed by others. It’s also equally important from this point on to take any feedback and look at what's triggering you, boil it down to the essence (word), and add it to your list to begin integrating. Being open and ruthlessly honest is the only way to shine light on your darkness.
EVENING • Sit and get quiet in the space you’ve created for yourself. Listen to the following DI. Have your journal and pen present.
LISTEN
JOURNAL
Journal the things that came up for you during the meditation.
i. What did the person say about you? What feelings did this bring up? If any, what clarity did you receive?
ii. Make sure to add all of these uncovered aspects of yourself to your list in your journal.
*adapted from Light Chaser
EXPANDERS TO KEEP YOU GOING
“Hi Lacy, This exercise really resonated with me. It hit me HARD. It was the first time I’ve cried from an exercise. My word just shot out at me instantly, VANITY. I’ve been struggling with my skin/acne for over a year now and has immensely affected my self-esteem and overall confidence. When I look in the mirror all I see is my flaws, obsess over them, throw hate at myself and will determine my overall mood for the day. When I pictured myself older self-comforting my younger self/ me now, I am an enormous about my LOVE for myself, I give my younger self the biggest hug, wiped away my tears and touched my face and said, “don’t be ashamed of yourself, you are SO BEAUTIFUL, no one is perfect, except your flaws and OWN them.” I started bawling like a baby. It felt so good and I feel like a weight (the constant strive for perfection and constantly thinking what other people think of me) has lifted off my shoulders and I feel reassured and comfortable in knowing that everything is going to be okay. Thank you.”